Walking on a sine wave

Modern lifestyle is all about efficiency and productivity. All of us keep trying to squeeze in more and more to tick off check boxes everyday. We want to spend time with our kids, take them to a bazillion activities, have a picture perfect house with an envious yard, take the most unique vacations, attend parties and events all while running the rat race. Rushing becomes second nature and it gets to a point where we just can’t enjoy anything we put all the effort to accomplish. Whether it is something as simple as enjoying a freshly vacuumed living room or a much anticipated vacation because we are too busy thinking about what’s next.

The pandemic made a few of us slowdown, forced at first and consciously thereafter. The hours spent at home with each other were precious because my life pre 2020 was simply put a slave to my packed calendar. My husband and I decided that post pandemic we were going to be more intentional in prioritizing quality over quantity. We did quite well initially but somewhere in 2022 starting reverting back to our old habits. I didn’t realize how much we had regressed till I started my sabbatical.

Which brings me to why I am writing this post. This week my daughter is home with me because its mamma- beti week. My son is at my mom’s during the day because my little girl wants to spend the entire week doing fun stuff with me. One of the agenda items on Wednesday was ice skating. I took her ice skating for the first time last Dec and she loved it. I don’t remember much of what she did in the rink as I was responding to work emails as well as making lists for things that had to be done that week. She wanted to go back and we just didn’t have time due to work travel and other things.

I took her on Wednesday afternoon and after she was in the rink, went to the stands and starting reading my book (The future capitalist). 5 minutes later I heard a knock on the glass wall in front of me and it was my munchkin trying to communicate via sign language. After a few attempts I understood that she was telling me to watch her instead of reading my book. Now watching someone ice skate when all they know is to slide using the handrail is not very appealing. However, I said yes and starting observing her and I am glad I did. Over the course of the next hour, she learned by herself to leave the handrails and skate. She then mustered the courage to skate towards the middle of the rink. After a few times, she then starting practicing twirls and by the end of it was able to twirl on one leg 8 times.

I was so impressed with her determination and focus despite falling multiple times. At that moment I realized that had I not spent that hour watching her, I would’ve missed her expressions of innocence, grit and a little fear (of falling). I also realized that I must have missed a 1000 such moments for both of my kids over the last decade as I was too busy being the mom who could do it all. I was so overwhelmed with this realization that tears starting rolling down my cheeks. These were tears of pride and gratitude of being present in the moment to witness the growth of my daughter.

I know that once I end my sabbatical, moments like these will be few but instead of thinking about what’s next, I will continue to enjoy these experiences as they come – One day at a time!